Sunday, April 19, 2009

Just call me Tortellini...

I have decided that my life choices, motivations, and lifestyle as of late have been too serious and totally skewed. I no longer wish to invest my thoughts, time, money, energy, resources, (or anything for that matter) into anything that is not invigorating, inspiring, or capable of invoking the warm fuzzy feeling that I remember from childhood. That being said I will share with you, in a tangled Virginia like fashion how this change came to be!

First, I am now 27, gasp...I am on the down side of my twenty-something’s. Now I must say, I am not the "oh my I will remain 21 for 10 years because I can't possible accept my age" type-people, although I can understand the age-turmoil. I am simply a bit taken back because I really feel as if my past 7 years were swept out from under me. It is as if I am a plate of spaghetti (or would I rather be fettuccini or rigatoni or tortellini...oops back to the topic) It is as if I am a plate of fabulous Italian tortellini (simple beautiful pasta when first looked upon. Yet when one sits down to this meal, they will learn that what appears to be so simple is actually filled with a multitude of flavors all dancing together to complete a scrumptious and complex) pasta on a red and white checkered table cloth. But this plate of tortellini is in the swish of a waiter’s hands, no longer on that beautiful red and white checkered table cloth even though the plate never moved! The craziest part of this tortellini’s fate is that it longed to be in the dinner show. It yearned for the excitement of serving others and being filled abundantly with the blessings of life. But it happened so fast that it took the meal by surprise. All the expectations that this tortellini had for it’s life were there but they were not as it had planned or thought it would happen and for some reason, it was surprised!

I have had 7 pregnancies, 5 beautiful children and 9 homes in these past 7 years and all of this has really changed me. A large part of this change has been good. For starters I became a Christian when I was pregnant with my first baby. In fact, I was baptized at 8 months pregnant. Have you ever seen a turtle stuck on its back? That is what I felt like as I was baptized by submersion approximately three weeks before the delivery of my son! It was an amazing day that marked my new life.

In embracing that new life I started a journey with Christ as a single mother, a full-time college student, and later a wife. I then became a mother of many little ones, a home school teacher, and a ministry worker and an Air Force wife as well. It was very easy to loose Virginia to these new titles. I never thought that these titles, while definitely being part of the definition of who I am, where not THE definition of who I am. I am still that creative, quirky, sensitive, caring, helpful, imaginative, "Ginny", and the moody, artistic, inquisitive, adventurous, insecure, inspired, temperamental "Ginger." Each phase of my life has brought new experiences, new emotions, new dreams, new people, new responsibilities, new frustrations, and apparently new names. (Maybe I should rename myself once again, God does have incredible importance in names....ok this might be a future blog, but back to the topic at hand)

Although each phase has brought so much newness many things remain the same. I was fearfully and wonderfully made, by the One True God, Jesus Christ died on the cross for ME, and he has a plan and a purpose for me! He has plans to prosper me, to give me a future, and to remain my hope. While I am searching for what God would have me to do my heart begins a flurry of excitement whenever I think of the possibility of finally having a studio to sell my creations it. I leap at the thought of taking bike rides and walks with my children in the morning because we have nowhere that we have to be. I marvel at the fabulous stories out there that are lying around waiting for me to read them to my children with gusto! I snicker at the thought of building forts while teaching geometry to my itty bitty brilliant little minds that call me mommy! I dance with excitement when I complete another project that has the potential to sell at my online boutique and my heart swells with joy when I think of my husband and my Father God looking at me and saying "job well done."

I look at the proverbs 31 woman and no longer have the "yeah right,... boy isnt she perfect,...sure I could do all that if I had hired help too,..."attitude and thoughts. I now look at those wonderful scriptures and I think, man she has such a fun life, what is stopping me from doing that, that which God so greatly wishes for me. Because He does have a plan and a future for me that is GOOD, that is full of hope, and is greater than anything that I could ever imagine.

I am ashamed of the bad attitudes that are so deeply etched into my brain and thoughts right now. I am stuck in a rut of bitterness and anger. But God is SO GOOD and he will help me to break these pathways. I am on a new foot and am so excited to invest in myself again which will ultimately invest in my family. When i was a little girl and then a teenager I would dream about being a mom and a wife. I wanted to be the one to bake the pies, play on the floor with my kids, enjoy the simple things and not be overrun with stuff, lists of to-do's, and overwhelmed with loudness and chaos. While I had an unrealistic expectation of life in general I am planning on revolutionizing the ways in which I live. Thus cutting out the busy-ness, the clutter (oh my family has a clutter gene and I got slammed with it!!) and the bad attitudes!!!

So to start off this is my plan.

I am saving money for the start-up fees for my boutique. To start off well I should have approximately $6,000.00!

I am cleaning out my current house. We will get rid of anything not used daily or weekly and not loved via R-R-R...that is reduce, re-use, recycle.

I am planning on biking or going to the gym three mornings a week when my husband is home. The days he isnt home I will need to figure something else out!

And the biggest thing that will effect my every moment. I am going to purpose to eat for nourishment, not pleasure and I will try to eliminate all the sugar I am addicted too!!

God gave us our bodies and this earth to be good stewards and positive examples of a "good life" even if that life is full of trials and tribulations you can make it good and that is what I am going to do. Be a good steward of my mind, body, soul, actions, words, thoughts, time, resources, and gifts...and so much more.

If this has inspired you or if you are already attempting to go down this path please let me know. I would love to hear what and how you are doing!

Here is one of the many verses that has rocked my world and encouraged me along this transformation and reclaiming of me, a child of God!!!

"Do not think that I came to destroy the Law of the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to FULFILL. For assuredly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, one jot or one title will by no means pass from the law till all is fulfilled. Whoever therefore breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you, that unless your righteousness exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:23