So I have come to the realization that in order to be really genuinely angry at someone you must really genuinely love them. Now before I go on I must preface this post with the following...
I am not saying that acting out in anger is ok. Nor am I saying to allow the sun to go down upon your anger. I am not condoning anger or making it seem ok. There is a time and a place for anger though and anger is part of our design. Jesus got angry. For many years I did not believe this to be so. I pictured Him as this meek and mild, all love-hippie type (haha-I know-sounds absurd). However, He is God's son and fully God as well. Our God is a jealous God and hate's sin! Anger is a passionate emotion that comes from despise/disappointment/and love...so here goes.
I have learned that the only people I ever get really angry at are those that I love. I may get irritated or upset by others, but to really get me angry...well that is something different. It is not an enjoyable feeling, in fact I quite despise confrontation and my biggest flaw is anger. It is the first area of my life that I will complain about, it is the area that I feel the most inadequate (the second is getting everything done as it needs to be done..but that is a whole other blog!) I despise the way I feel when I am angry.
Today I learned something though. I despise this area, and it is a weakness because I am not looking at anger in the right way. I had always looked at anger as this temper-filled action/emotion that one should avoid at all cost, and that one should be ashamed of. I often would hear the virtue of being "slow to anger" and thought that it was further encouragement to NEVER be angry. But now I see this differently.
Being slow to anger means just that. SLOW. Not easily angered. Not one to get angry about everything all the time. But when the ones you love so much, do things that are harmful, hurtful, or just plain foolish it is hard to avoid anger. Now I feel that it is in fact in these instances that avoiding anger is actually quite foolish as well. When you get angry it is because you care. You really want what is best for whatever it is that has upset you. Instead of loathing the feeling and putting your thoughts on the emotion it is best to focus your energies and your thoughts into redemption, reconciliation, healing, self-control, and forgiveness. Anger is the wonderful meter that alerts us when we need to stop in our tracks and handle something in the proper way.
From this day forward I desperately hope to be alerted to immediate prayer at the first twinge of anger. Not immediate increase of anger because I am angry at myself for being angry :) I hope to practice self control and focus on the issue at hand instead of brushing it aside as to avoid the emotion, only to allow it to build a mountain under a flat rug!
Father God, thank you for your guidance, your help, your wisdom! You are infinitely wise. It is so funny to me how I can be so close to a "Monet" picture that I cannot see anything but tiny little blobs and details and then finally when I stop obsessing over the things I stare at each day, I can step back and say "Ah-Ha" this is what He has been wanting me to see! Thank you father for your patience for me. I know that I can be so short with others...thinking "why doesn't so and so understand this... I have said it 50 times!" When in fact, I am the worst one to be listening to YOU Father, over and over way more than 50 times, until I finally understand what You have been telling me all along! Father, please help me to remember the goodness in anger. I thank you for this lesson and I appreciate You, knowing that you will be with me every step of the way as I put this new way of thinking into practice! You are an amazing Father and I ask that you help me to be the best possible daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend, that You will have me be! I pray to you in your Son's Holy and ever so precious name! Amen!
Be blessed my friends!