Monday, June 15, 2009

A Grand Ole'... Room Cleaning?

To write what one knows, that is a theme in my thinking as well as a lesson I have had repeated to me many times over. As far as I can remember the first time I heard this it was a lesson for one of my favorite characters, from one of my favorite movies of all time! Josephine March was talking to her future husband and love of her life about her writings. They were stories of pirates, adventure, and hero's. She was proud. She wanted them to be published so desperately but for her it was very difficult. She was a woman, in a man's world. She would even sign her articles as Jo March to give herself a better chance. Her love (although at the time she didn't know it was her love) encouraged her to write what she knows. She left offended, all she wanted to hear was that he loved her work. But later, when tragedy struck, his words resonated within her very being! That night she penned her first novel.

Tonight I spent time cleaning my very messy room. It was sort of fun thinking that I was "cleaning my room." It reminded me of my childhood. I would go into my space, shut the door, and make it new again. From top to bottom I would clean and rearrange. Working to make my space, not only clean and better organized and more creative, more beautiful, more efficient, more whatever my mood, musings, or need would have at that time. I loved these times and tonight I relived it again.

Tonight while cleaning I watched Marley and Me. I also watched the Family that Prey's. So by that you can see how much time I spent in my room. I rearranged the bed in preparation for our new (finally a king sized) bed that we will be getting shortly!! I vacuumed under the bed, I put my clothes away that have been laying on my recliner, I dusted, sorted through, weeded out, etc. It was so much fun and the two movies that kept my company couldn't have been better. Marley and Me was another great lesson in the "write what you know" topic. It was wonderful! It surely was a tear-jerker as they prolonged the moment to it's longest possible length of time, but overall it inspired me. I loved the line when "John" said "mend it-don't end it." I think that that line should be on bumper stickers, fighting for marriages everywhere! I also absolutely love the line when "Jenny" said " made a choice, and sometimes I feel like I have given up so much and it is sad, but if I am sad about this, than I am a bad person." I love this.

The second theme is where the Family that Preys fits so nicely. The theme in that movie was in the mothers words. She said that she had given her life to her kids. That is what we all do. We stop being us and start living for others. The moment that we become mom's we stop living as the person we know that we are. We instead begin the journey of tutor, doctor, nurse, pastor, and all other serving positions in our child's life. Except we seamlessly switch between one "career" to the next in 24 hours time and then start all over again. We never really stop, we just keep shape-shifting until we are so exhausted we beg for a break. We then go out on the town, and talk about them, do something for them but alone, or think about them until we go back to them and start all over again.

One day we will have longer times away and more time missing them than being overwhelmed by their presence. While everyone tells us this truth it is so hard for me to fathom at this moment in time. Right now I am at the moment of screaming, fussing, chaotic life that makes me want to run away every 24 to 72 hours just for a few minutes of silence or time to myself. Does this make me a bad mom?

Hardly, in fact I think it makes me human. Imperfect yes, but bad...not a chance. God gave me to these children and these children to me for a reason. I intend to make the best of it and live each moment with them to the fullest. It is these silent times away that I can remind myself of this truth so that I may try once again to get it right. So that I can try again to not loose my patience when four little persons are tugging at my legs causing me to loose my balance and drop the stack of 20 or so pages that were in order five minutes ago. It strengthens me to remember the moments of "who mommy, why mommy, what is that mommy?" are actually really good opportunity's to train and teach my children even though more times than not I immediately say "just use your eyes to learn please, right now mommy is..."

I only wish I was a better writer and a better mom. I wish that I could think more about what I live each day so that I could write what is in my heart, so that it may reach others and truly make a difference. Perhaps, this wish is burning in my heart for a reason...

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